Living Trans* Doesn’t Always Suck

I know that I tend to write about how terrible the world is. I’d even hazard a guess that might be what most trans* bloggers–especially women–tend to find themselves fixated on, and rightly so, because of the legal and social state of affairs for trans* (female) people in general, but I think it tends to cause a lot of burnout (and might be the leading cause of my own burnout), because we get so caught up in how terrible the world can be. I wanted to take a moment to reflect on the state of affairs in my own life, and some of the good things that have come about for me in the last couple months.

In August, I moved in with my then-girlfriend, who has since become my partner. Since then, we’ve spent so much of our free time together that our new acquaintances have said they thought we’d known each other since high school. People seem shocked that we just recently hit our first anniversary, because of how happy and natural we are together. Along the way, many of her close friends have become my close friends, and we’ve made friends together, and while many of them assume I am cis*, those who know otherwise have never made an issue of my trans*/cis* status, and I feel included and welcomed. My partner has, in many ways, been a better cis ally to me than I’ve been an Ally to myself.

Living in New York City has proven to be wonderful. Living in a place where I know my access to bathrooms, housing, and employment are legally identical to that of my cis friends, has done me a world of psychological good. My internal sense of otherness has diminished greatly from when I was living with my parents in the much-more-conservative Colorado Springs, Colorado.

I’ve had a stable living situation with, as previously mentioned, my partner, as well as two of her friends from college. My days of being marginally housed are over, and my living situation is very stable and, subject to my income, a place that I could see myself in one, three, or five years. Gone are the days of me crashing on the couches of people who sexually pressure me, or in my parents’ house where my access to the outside world is heavily restricted.

While finding a steady job has proven impossible, my freelance web design/computer work has presented itself as a viable alternative, and my first client’s site should be going live this week (check it out, folks–her current blog is at loriadorable.wordpress.com). I’ll be putting up a facebook page for my business, and potentially a feminist meta-blog of my own once I have the other writers worked out (applicants–if you’re interested–should inquire at tinkereena at gmail dot com–more details to come when I have the spoons to churn out a more formal post on the matter).

Life’s not perfect–I still have to deal with one of my friends’ cissexist bullshit (luckily he has no idea I’m trans, nor do I think he would realize what was in front of him even if I whipped it out), I still have to deal with weird looks from the subway either trying to read me, or in response to cuddling my girlfriend. I still never know quite what to put on insurance forms, or on food stamp applications, or so on. But I can handle that level of oppression. It’s not my endgame, but it’s something I can live with for now.