Until the Erasure Stops

Whatever you do, please don’t buy a feeldoe. For those of you who aren’t aware, a feeldoe is a specific brand of strapless dildo, which is designed to be placed in a meat-shape on one end and used to penetrate with the other end. While strapless dildos aren’t inherently bad, the particular brand, which is touted as the original (whether it really is or not, I’m not sure and I doubt anybody would be), has demonstrated a pretty clear contempt for trans* folks.

Amongst other terrible things on their pages, and specifically on their reviews page, they have a pretty terrifying section from a post-op trans* lady (included at the end of this post). It’s not what the reviewer says that is the problem, but the obvious fail with which that shit is displayed. The fact that some postop trans* ladies continue to use strapons/strapless dildoes is one that I remember seeing jokes about as far back as Kate Bornstein’s use of a strapon being termed “nostalgic,” but it shouldn’t be used this way to invalidate.

Unfuck this shit and the horse it rode in on. Don’t buy a feeldoe. If you do buy a feeldoe, send a letter of regret to the creator that you wish you hadn’t bought it because of her transfail.

This has been a pubic service announcement.


Just how real does a feeldoe® feel?
We don’t alter or editorialize the comments ya’ll send, but we need to clarify this one:
Jamie was 
born male and surgically became female. 
Yes, he had his “outie” turned into an “innie”, for real.  Then, for an extra twist of fate, “she” fell in love with another woman:

“If I had met my lover before the surgery I might not have done it. 
The feeldoe is like having my own penis back.
 How ironic!”
-Jamie Marie – Baltimore, MD (yes, formerly James and father of 2.)

For those women on top who wonder if Feeldoe®
really “feel” the same as “a penis feels” for a man…
there, you have it ~ a True Expert’s Testimony!

Comments on: "If you are trans* or support the rights of trans* folks, please don’t buy a feeldoe." (9)

  1. I agree that this shit is really fucked up. It’s something I first stumbled across ~4 months ago. But, as a trans guy, I still find myself strongly wanting a Feeldoe, not because it looks like some fun sex toy that would be nifty to have, but because it’s strongly tied in with my gender identity.

    I’d also like to note that nonconsensually calling my bits, or the bits of other CAFAB people a “vaginal opening” is really uncool and misgendering. :/

    • There are better alternatives from companies who aren’t cissexist shits about it.

      As for the language use, I would agree, but you’re also being fairly erasurist by acting like only CAFAB people have that meat-shape. Sorry, but you know that’s not true. I’d like to request a better terminology to use, if you’re willing to give one, but this is an instance where I think the term is appropriate, since it was designed for cis people who have that meat-shape.

      EDIT: Altering the original post because I think you’re right about some of this, but I still disagree with your erasurism.

  2. I’m trans* and have had good experiences with the Feeldoe, as have some other folks who responded to me when I tweeted this blog post. These people’s email address is posted on their (appalling) site–I’m encouraging folks to write to them, call them out on their anti-trans* BS, and see if we get anywhere with it. Would you do the same? Hopefully we can educate / create some change if they see how many people they’ve disgusted.

  3. As a transman, I’m pretty disgusted by this… I would think someone who markets sextoys would be a little more open minded

  4. Yeah, I just discovered this and it made me super glad that my strapless dildo is a Share, not a Feeldoe. I’m writing Feeldoe today to let them know that they’ve provided yet another point in favor of their competition. (Also, the Share is great, if anyone’s looking for something like a Feeldoe but without the fail. One drawback, though, is that the wearer’s end is pretty fat, and can be a stretch to fit in for some folks.)

  5. Thank you @nutsandboltsoftrans for posting this – yes, epic fail. I have walked the planet thus far as a cis-woman and rather clueless as to the particular challenges of trans folk and the regular BS like this around every corner – and even I could see how fucked up it was right away. I will not buy a Feeldoe, and I will write and tell them to change it. They changed it a little – but not enough.

    @Cuntext for the alternative recommendation.

  6. Just wondering… did you even try to email MIA about what you are so very clearly upset about before you decided to “tear her a new one”? I’ll send her a link to your web page and encourage her to contact you, but you’d better damn well treat her like a human being. All she did was post what someone sent her. You’ve got posts here with the same sentiment about the product that she patented. You manage to be so much more offensive than her web page. She set out to make a product for lesbians. Period. The other uses that folks have found for her product were all a surprise. Open minded? Someone like you likes her product even according to YOUR PAGE. She should ignore that? God forbid what you will write when you see the Realdoe®.

    Just to be clear, you are offended that others might have fun with these toys or it’s just the language on the web page?

    • I’m going to address your comment in parts.

      1. I didn’t email her because, contrary to what you seem to have assumed, I was not the originator of this news–I merely gave it a signal boost and folks must have credited me with the initial issue-raising. I did not raise the initial issue, I remember it having existed at least a year before I got my hands working on this post (which was also around for quite some time before a more popular blog, primarily focused on trans men, picked it up).

      2. It was HER language regarding the feedback that I am pissed about, not the feedback. I make it sound worse than what’s currently there because, believe it or not, this post has already accomplished change, and her language was changed on the site–but it’s still not good enough, not even close. I’ll write a new post explaining what’s wrong with the new wording–as well as the fact that no apology has been issued that I’m aware of.

      3. She didn’t make the product for lesbians. She made it for cisgender lesbians. The fact that you’re referring to feedback by a transgender, lesbian woman, on the blog of another transgender, lesbian woman, as though we are “other people” than the intended “lesbian” audience (all your words), indicates the problem at hand–you do not consider myself or the giver of feedback as “real” women, or “real” lesbians. My blog exists to combat transmisogyny, and your erasure of my gender and sexual identity very much falls within transmisogyny.

      4. I try to treat everybody like a human being, which I find more difficult every day in the face of people who, like you are doing, treat me as if I am some stone image of their assumptions about me or my people. You have no right to treat me as a manifestation of your assumptions about transgender women. I am a woman, I am a lesbian, every bit as much as any other woman or any other lesbian, and you will treat me appropriately, or any respect I have for you will evaporate into the drove of transgender people who will no longer give you the benefit of the doubt.

      5. I apologize for the aggressive manner in which I phrased my initial post, but please understand that I wrote this on a blog which had only twice before this article received more than 100 hits in a day, unaware of the context that it would exist in, and within a culture of people (transgender radical feminists) who are accustomed to receiving far more hostility than we could ever dish out. I will leave my original language in place as a means of holding myself accountable, but I see that I probably should not have phrased it that way. I have the fullest of intentions to treat anybody contacting me about this with cautious respect. My interest in the matter has always been about improving the state of the world, so I’m willing to be patient about this.

      ~The Author

  7. forthose lookingforotheroptions and feelthe share may be a bit much you might want to checkout the Happy Valley Tango. The horse is a bit smaller than the Share

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