Until the Erasure Stops

This blog hasn’t gone where I’ve wanted it to for a while now. I don’t think I’m ever likely to post regularly, at least until the subject matter freshens a little bit and I don’t feel like I’m keeping a blog to write about other people’s ideas and take crap from radscum about it.

To that effect, I’m going to start focusing my free time on a new blog, on the subject of sexism (and more loosely, kyriarchy as a whole) in the gaming community. I’m looking for a project copilot, to serve either as a second author, a co-author, an editor, or artist. If you’re interested in doing work on the topic (you don’t need to be a girl, but you should be at least passingly interested in games and have some appreciation and understanding for what it’s like to be a lady in the gaming community).

Interested parties should contact me at:

nutsandboltsoftrans@gmail.com

With their name, their most relevant recent project, and what skills they would bring to the table. Bear in mind that my own personal skillset includes writing and coding, and I’m looking for someone(s) to complement that.

This whole thing with this blog where I’ve been not posting and basically not doing anything except giving snappy responses to radscum who have nothing better to do than harass me, is hopefully ending soon. I’ve been tempted to start posting again for a while, but this whole Cathy Brennan situation got so fucking out of hand that I have basically completely avoided the internet for the last few months, except to play a LOT of League of Legends and World of Warcraft.

Now that people are done harassing me and seem to have mostly forgotten that I exist, I feel like maybe it might be time for me to come back. And I swear to god, I mean it this time. One of the side effects of tanking Cathy Brennan on Heroic Hardmode is that people seem to have actually started to give half a fuck about what I have to say. I know that some of you still pay attention to me from back when I was just a batshit crazy college senior on a Blogspot, and between these people and the massive amount of attention I’ve gotten in short spurts, I feel like getting back on the horse here is not only something I want to do, but it’s something I almost have to do.

That being said, the reason I’ve had trouble going back to regular posting before is that I simply can’t generate enough material just from doing serious sociopolitical commentary. I do legitimately think that I have things to say that are either unique, or that I can say in a unique way from other people, but I don’t think it’s reasonable of me to expect myself to do that on a weekly basis with basically no other blogging in between.

With that in mind, I’ve been thinking of trying to expand the topics I write about, and the kind of goals I set for my articles. As previously mentioned, I’ve been doing a lot of internet gaming, and I think that’s a topic which is only rarely covered from a female, queer, and trans centered viewpoint. It’s also a fountain of material, since almost every game of League that I play these days has somebody shouting something sexist at me. There are also some trends in the way the creators of League and WoW have been relating to female characters and female gamers that I’m very interested in documenting. If this particular topic were to start gaining sufficient interest, I would actually consider creating a livestream where I will intentionally go into League of Legends games and World of Warcraft dungeons where my teams are aware that I’m female, queer, trans, or some combination of the three, where I will observe and comment on these situations while examining differences in how my teammates play and behave when they are aware a teammate is female, and when they are not. I’m not exactly a skilled LoL player (I’m currently hovering around an elo of 750, which blows), but I have a sneaking suspicion I’d be the first person to do what I’m doing here in real-time.

Finally, I’d like to announce that I will be trying to focus mainly on current events for my more political blogging. Starting tonight, I will be selecting and commenting on recent events from the transgendernews yahoo group digest no less than once a week (always on Thursdays at midnight, but if I do more than one, they will be released midnight EST the day I finish them). I feel like having a planned day where I always, always release something will encourage regular readership while also rewarding those who stop in regularly or subscribe to the blog, as they will know exactly when I post a bonus article.

On that note, I just want to add that I will most likely be posting only the first paragraph or two of each article on Tumblr, because I want all of my readership in one place for tracking purposes, and because I am concerned that completely switching to Tumblr or even doing crossposting will change the way people read the work. One of the reasons I like WordPress is that it makes it very easy for me to hold people accountable for what they say in regards to my work, as opposed to the way Tumblr handles comments by spreading them all out. The second major reason I prefer WordPress is that the instances of major attention my blog received have mostly been because of the seriousness of the presentation rather than the newness of the information (it is very, very hard to present truly new information on the internet). Finally, I’ve got a fair amount of experience working with the WordPress engine already, both professional as a web developer, and personal through this blog.

I feel like the reason I initially wanted to move to tumblr was to attract people who tend to read more casually. I am reasonably confident that I can fulfill the same purpose by actually using the twitter account that my blog cross-posts to. With that in mind, I’d like to suggest that you all go follow @tinkereena. In addition to posting article titles and links there, I’m also going to make an effort to, y’know, actually use twitter. See y’all there!

I see you putting my sisters on display, as objects of your fear. I see the way you paint us as serial killers in The Silence of the Lambs. Your cisgender heart skips a beat every time my voice drops an octave. I’ll admit I’m fucking with you, but maybe this is a reaction I shouldn’t troll from you anymore. It seems to frighten you so much. Are you worried that my heart holds some sexually motivated killing spree, just waiting for the right moment to spring forth? Is that why my elder sisters teach me to avoid you, to stand my ground when I’m around you, to always make sure you’re really, truly not afraid of me before I spread my legs for you. I haven’t the heart to tell you that every night I put on my makeup for your oh-so-cisgender-eyes to gaze upon, I have to suppress the terror that my face will instead be covered with bruises later. Or the sobering realization that, were it not for the lightness of my skin, I would have even bigger things to fear from you. Read the rest of this entry »

Batwoman is Amazing

(Cross-posted from my tumblr)

I’m pretty happy that DC’s “New 52” relaunch has brought a stereotype-defying, awesomely independent lesbian character her own title. She’s a pretty realistic portrayal and she heralds (and has already heralded) a change in the way that LGBT characters are portrayed in comics. Kevin Keller’s early development (Archie), North Star’s marriage to another man (Astonishing X-Men #48-51), and Alan Scott’s proposal to his boyfriend (Earth 2 #2) have all taken place recently. The magnificent fauxhawk Ms. Marvel is sporting in her new tenure in Captain Marvel (Captain Marvel promotional posters) has me wondering if her apparent relationship with Spider-Man is somehow only part of her love life story. I’ve also been hoping for developments in the already-pushing-romantic interactions between Starling/Black Canary (Birds of Prey), Barbara Gordon/her roommate (Batgirl), and Huntress/Power Girl (Huntress mini-series, Worlds’ Finest). These aren’t the only magnificently progressive things that have been in mainstream comics, especially the New 52, lately—for example, Catwoman #10 makes use of the term “sex worker” in a neutral-to-positive context, and the Huntress mini-series consisted entirely of Huntress/Robin 2 shutting down a human trafficking ring. 

Even trans characters have started showing up a little bit here and there, mostly in indie comics. The best example I can think of is Image’s 1-shot “Our Love is Real,” in which a major character, Brin, is portrayed as her world’s version of a trans woman (sexuality, gender, and sex have very different meanings in a world where zoosexuals stand in for heterosexuals, vegisexuals stand in for LGB people, and mineralsexuals stand in for either trans people or the symbology that we should be willing to accept sexuality without judgment, depending on your interpretation).

I’m kind of hoping that this new wave of queer positivity in comics will lead to a trans major character cropping up in either Marvel or DC. I suppose if all else fails, I can always try to create one, right?

(Update: This is going back up because Cathy Brennan and her stalk-brigade have figured out who I am. Good job. But, the fact that I was a member of a group that approached you, doesn’t mean you didn’t sexually harass me. You forcibly suggested that I sit on your lap. That’s sexual harassment. No ifs, ands, or buts. Deal with it.)

I am writing to say exactly what it says on the tin. I am claiming identity as the woman who Cathy Brennan sexually harassed at Dyke March. I am the woman who was misgendered by her crony. I am the woman who both Cathy Brennan and at least one other crony deliberately transgressed the personal space of multiple times, despite being politely asked to maintain a calm distance from me. I joined this confrontation because another trans woman needed backup, because of what we all knew would happen–she would immediately silence and personally attack us, and to attempt to provoke us into base displays of anger. I was the target of more ad-hominem attacks, blatant silencings, rude interruptions, and tone arguments than I can count.

And I am not going to let you give my friends shit because they had the guts to write about it and I didn’t. If you want to shout at somebody for the aggressive context that argument took, don’t you dare shout at somebody who tried to start a calm conversation and needed the backup. Don’t you dare shout at any of the people who tried to make calm contributions to the argument. Don’t you dare shout at the cis woman who was silenced very nearly to blows. Don’t you dare. They wanted nothing more than a peaceful conversation and a peaceful chance to ask her to stop endangering the lives of trans women. I am the trans woman who had the spoons to deal with that stuff, so I am the one who stepped in when things got way out of hand. And I will tolerate no ridiculous bullshit being thrown at me. WordPress has an IP ban function, and I am ready to use it. Commenters stay within my comment guidelines or they are gone. You claim to want to have a constructive conversation, prove it.

I have previously taken a very olive-branch-y stance towards radscum. I still believe in the inherent goodness in all of these people, and that everyone really just needs to try to expand their worldview to take a more gentle approach to each other. But what Cathy Brennan had in mind by carrying a Sheila Jeffreys sign at dyke march was not peaceful. She was attempting to instigate a conflict. Dyke March is supposed to be a safe space. A person who is actively contributing to the unsafeness of a safe space has no right to be there, and that is very different from just being a transphobe who wanted to have a good time without spreading their transphobia. I will not ever ask a transphobic person who is not spreading their transphobia to leave a safe space. The sign is what pushed it for me. I still think we can come to be allies. But not like that. I will protect my sisters, cis and trans, lesbian or not. Dykes are Dykes, according to a picture of me that is also all over the web these days.

Oh, but btw, Cathy Brennan–you made my girlfriend cry. So you’re not on the list of people I’m willing to give a second chance. You make all this hullabaloo about protecting CAFAB lesbians, then you bring one that is very close to my heart to tears, just in the name of keeping me from pissing in public restrooms. So this big-tent-feminist-community, we-can-all-find-the-good-in-each-other stuff I’m saying? You’re not welcome in that big tent.

So, I’ve been a bit tired of my current, wordpress, setup. It feels uninspiring and people just generally don’t read wordpress like they used to read wordpress. So I’m moving to tumblr. It’s where the radical-ness has been moving, and I gotta be with my target demographic.

See you all at nutsandboltsoftrans.tumblr.com

I feel like I need to take a break from trying to make the world a better place. I feel like I can’t spend another day grabbing my anti-oppression hat and wading into a knee-deep pool of bullshit that permeates every space I don’t have complete and 100% control over. I feel like I will never be able to find another secondary(s) because, despite my best efforts, it always seems like the level of cissexism in my life is on the rise.

I feel like I’ve spent many, many hours on this blog trying to make the world just a tiny bit brighter. Now I guess it’s my turn to put the message out there that I feel like I need help too.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 38 other followers